christmas lunch

salmon and fennel chowder

turkey breast with cranberry sauce and wild rice stuffing

christmas pudding with coffee sauce

too much champagne and chardonnay

no wonder i have heartburn!

8.20pm, a soft balmy summer's evening, the sun just about to slip below the hills across the harbour. The house is hot from the sun shining in all day. Matthew has just fallen asleep in my arms mid feed, and we've put him to bed.

Deb and I haven't really talked about things yet, haven't touched on what she wrote me. It's lying there between us, but in a good way. I'm feeling like a step's been taken, like she's opened herself up to me. It takes a lot of trust and hope to do that. You become very vulnerable. I feel like she's given me a gift.

So I'm sitting here wondering about things. And I'm thinking that what we've got is a 12 year shared history, and that's too precious to have ever risked throwing away. And I'm thinking that I'm selfish and deceitful and she still loves me. And I'm thinking I have a great gift of love and I can't understand why I don't wash it continually over Debbie.

But, you know, we will make it.

I'm off to bed early to lie in her arms.