life on a sunday

i mopped the floor today

my sore  throat is easing

deb is making one last attempt to fully breast feed matthew

she is drinking
lactagogue tea to help

matthew is becoming more vocal each day - giggle and laughs and gurgles

tess has not been seen all day - she missed breakfast

gump is lying
by the heater

You're using the computer to escape. From your job, from your marriage. You're escaping into an unreal world, peeking into other lives with this online journal stuff.
                                              she said

I never get any time to myself. You're always interrupting me.
                                              he said

We yelled at each other. Matthew crying in her arms the whole time. I stood there, hands on hips, then folded, looking away, looking out the window, avoiding. Then would yell something back.

And Matthew was crying.

Debbie started crying at a final hurtful thing I said. I mocked her.

Everytime you call me you want something - hey mikie
                                              i said

Asshole I am. What am I doing?

And then, as it always does sooner or later, it went away, and I went to her as she turned to me with Matthew in her arms, and hugged her with our baby between us, and kissed the top of her head with my arms around her, and said sorry. And said she was right. And she said sorry. And she said you don't have time to yourself.

I took Matthew from her, still crying, and held him to my chest, and walked with him, and rocked him, and kissed him, and he settled down. I snuck to a mirror and looked at him, and yes he had fallen asleep. Soft gentle baby breathing.

I sat down on the couch and tucked his head under my chin, with my eyes closed, and smelt him and felt better. Milk smell seeping through baby pores.

Debbie made me lunch. Cheese and tomato sandwiches. She sat next to me as we ate.

Elements of truth in both sides. More in Deb's than mine.

A balance needs to be struck. We have a life to lead.