I'm listening to Matthew over the baby monitor right now, we put him to bed about 20 minutes ago. He's not crying, more sort of gurgling and vocalising with the occasional squeal.

Deb and I have been in twice in these 20 minutes, ready to pick him up again and bring him out to us. But each time he's smiled up at us, flapped his little arms about and giggled.

So we've left him.

But each time I think he's dropped off to sleep, he makes a new noise.

Later -

Silence is lovely. Matthew is asleep. Finally.

This has been a hard week. Debbie has been trying to wean Matthew from the breast to the bottle, but it hasn't been going at all well.

He's had terrible wind, had a fever, vomited up and has been crying a lot. It's a heart wrenching sound listening to your baby cry.

The reason for the change has been infections and blocked milk ducts in the breasts that Debbie has been getting. She's been very sore.

She's now caught between feeling guilty for not producing enough breast milk for him to feed, and feeling guilty for giving him formula milk which isn't agreeing with him.

I'm tired and feeling drained of writing.

I'm feeling like I don't know how to write.

I'm feeling like I don't know what to write.