for dinner

meatloaf - recipe courtesy of tammy

the red wine did go with it though

Sometimes I feel on the verge of getting it all right. I feel like I know myself, I'm happy with myself and that I can do great things. It all feels this close.

Felt like that tonight. Just sitting down after dinner, mellow evening sun shining through the window, basking the room in soft golden light.

Matthew can sit up now. He watched us as we ate dinner. I'd look at him and make a face. He'd giggle and I'd start laughing at him. Deb and I are amazed we created him. To think he's going to grow up. I just want him happy. I'd like to teach him some stuff.

Twelve years ago to the day I met Debbie. New Year's Eve, 1986. Twelve years. We've slept in the same bed over 4,000 nights, legs intertwined, bodies rolling close then easing away.

I know not what I have sometimes. But sometimes, like tonight, I do. Some things you wouldn't swap for anything.

Is that what love means?

Sometimes, you know, life is wonderful and splendid and it doesn't matter whatever's happening because you're living it now and if you let yourself, if you just let yourself, you can reach out and embrace it and it's like listening to your son laugh and you wouldn't change it for anything.

Have a wonderful 1999!