recently on the turntable

rolling stones
exile on main street

sam cooke
the man and his music

Sometimes your mind becomes clear this early in the morning, on nights when you've woken up and can't sleep because your head's swirling with thoughts.

Deb's right, as she is about so many things. I could lose myself online, dissolve my soul away in a myriad of personalities.

There's a line from T.S.Eliot's "the lovesong of j. alfred prufrock"

i have measured my life in coffeespoons

I am starting to measure my life (I've just noticed the irony of those two words) by checking e-mail, through counting the number of people visiting this journal.

I'm living my life online, not recording my life online. It's a scary thing. I see what it's doing to us - our marriage, our relationship. I see what it's doing to me - it's like a little safe room I can hide myself away in.

I'm starting to lose the taste of living. To forget the joy and pain of physical exertion, the smell of sea and the taste of vanilla milkshakes.

I can hear Matthew sleeping through the baby monitor, sighing and moaning in his sleep. What's he know of his Dad? I know it's more than this, but, how soon till he thinks of me as someone who holds him on his knee and feeds him in a preoccupied manner whilst checking his email?

What was the last spontaneous thing I did? When was the last time Debbie and I went on an adventure?

Today? ...............................................