The sugar rush thing in toddlers is true. Matthew went to a birthday party today, and by the time I went to pick him and Debbie up afterwards, he was fair bouncing off the walls. We made the mistake of going to a cafe afterwards with a friend. Eventually Deb had to take Matthew for a walk outside — running in circles around our table, lying on other seats, and laughing loudly were not endearing him!
Today I was listening to:
THE GO-BETWEENS
Bellavista Terrace - Best of the Go-Betweens
SLEATER-KINNEY
All Hands On The Bad One
I'm trying to get my life in order.
I've been seeing a psychologist for three weeks now — once a week for an hour. The trigger for it, the crisis point, is not something I want to go into here, and now. It's something I should have done a while ago though. It's something I've been scared to do. It's like a more public admittance of my weaknesses and failures — that's been the scary thing. And I've always felt I could heal myself. That I could think through it, work it out, snap out of it. Heal myself.
But, you know, maybe I can't. Maybe I do need some help. And maybe that's nothing to be ashamed of.
We've been talking through things, and there's a lot more work to go. But it's been helping. I've certainly been having some sort of depression, nothing major, but definitely there. And it's not that Deb hasn't helped a lot, but there's something good about talking to a sympathetic, professional, outsider. We've been talking strategies for dealing with stress — learning the triggers of it for me and some coping mechanisms for when they happen. Just being able to say to myself, “Look, recognise this is happening now, and know there are ways you can balance the stress” is helping. I'm also taking some St John's Wort tablets. It's hard to know what they're doing precisely, but the psychologist recommended them for depression at my level, and they seem to be helping.
I also need to take time out to de-stress. To relax, to enjoy, to celebrate. It feels so hard to do that right now, I've got so much on. I've made a decision to take on no more outside work once the jobs I'm currently doing are finished. I need family time, and intimate time, and alone time. I need time devoted to me and us.
So, as I said, I'm trying to get my life in order. It's small steps, and consolidating, and moving forward. It's recognising and understanding and letting go. It's laughing and loving and smiling more. It's where I'd like to be.
last | nextLink of the day
It's cricket Jim, but not as we know it!
This is a flash page, and it takes a while to download. It's fun in a sick kinda way though! Di might like it.
Journals and blogs that I read regularly
Raising Hell
Feral Living
Hippycritical
Udder
My Life in 12 Point Font
Journal of a Writing Man
Some Jingle Jangle Morning
The Last Girl Scout
Potatoe.com
Journallife.com
Window to my Soul
Chickybabe
Sorabji.com
Yesterday's Makeup
Fifteen Milliliters
Fly Away
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Photo of tunnel copyright Bernd Klumpp, available from istockphoto.com