cat update

gump
has spent the last 6 hours sitting in front of the fridge. she chased a mouse under there this afternoon

tess
curled up nicely, thank you very much, on a warm chair

baby update

at quarter past midnight, getting a top up from the breast in the hope it'll put him to sleep

mother update

annoyed cos there's only home shopping network on tv to watch at quarter past midnight

father update

struggling to keep his eyes open, wondering how he can get by on 6 hours sleep a night three days running

There was a programme on tv last night. About rural living. Well, more specifically, about couples who had been working in cities, got tired of it, and relocated to the country.

Now, although country living has some initial charm, at heart I'm a city person. I need lattes, bookshops, movies and people. But that's not what this entry is about.

As I sat there, watching these people talk about doing more fulfilling things with their lives, changing jobs, working for themselves, a feeling came over me that I wasn't happy in my present job.

I've been thinking this for a while now, but have been to scared to voice this to myself.

I think it might be true though.

I don't look forward to work. I don't get excited, generally, about what I do.  At bottom, my heart isn't in it. And it's a job where it has to be. To make a difference, to do the job well, I have to be committed to it.

I don't think I am.

I need to live with this feeling for a while. See if it's real, or another of my passing phases, cyclical swings of mood and feeling. I also need to think what I want to do. A lot of time and money has been invested in me to this point - you should note a smile at myself as I wrote that! - so to change now .............

Does it call that into question? My philosophy says no, you reinterpret that past. My practical, makethebestofwhatyou'vegot, side, says maybe.

Certainly, I need to commit to work while I am there. Equally certainly, I need to be sure I want to be there.

A small voice tells me I want to do something like design web sites, set up a small company with Deb, work from home, see Matthew grow during the days.

A much larger voice tells me not to be silly.

Which to listen to.